Dad was gone. I was lost and felt so alone. Left with my mother, someone who I loved but didn’t really know. If that makes sense? I never really had a strong bond of communication with her. She was my mom who cooked and cleaned and took care of me. But I never really talked to her. I guess looking back now I was never taught to talk about stuff and feelings with my parents. I struggled trying to form a relationship with her. Missing my dad dearly.
My dad did everything. His loss was huge to my mother. She never had to work or worry. She was left alone and no idea how to even write a check. She never had to do anything before except be the great wife and mother she was. Looking back now I give my mom all the credit the world for getting by after his death. With my brothers help she went and got his social security started and opened a checking account. My brother headed home to RI and back to his family.
My Mom was good at cleaning and being a caretaker and i most definitely inherited t hose traits from her. The office staff at the apartments we lived at liked her and when they heard of my dads passing and our financial situation they asked her to take a cleaning job at the apartments we lived at. We would go after hours nightly and clean the offices on the complex. They loved my mom and quickly discount our rent and referred her to an elderly resident who was with no family who needed help cooking and cleaning. He was an ex priest, Father Gouley and a wonderfully sweet man. She started going over daily to cook three meals for him, do his laundry and clean his suite. It was her job. Nightly we cleaned the offices for our rental discount.
In my senior year of high school at age 17 I started a part time job after school at a local fast food place and helped contribute most of my pay to the bills. I loved my job and worked hard in addition to my studies and helping mom clean at night. I was proud of her for working so hard and taking care of me and at age 56 she wasn’t In The greatest shape. I remember her coming home every night in pain from her back. She would come home and cook dinner for us after cooking for Father Gouley. We continued this and got by for the next year and a half. In that time I still was trying to form a bond with her.
My dream was to go to school for advertising design. I loved to draw and loved abstract art. I had even designed a logo and jingle once when i was younger for my dads friends new business. As my graduation from High School neared in 1985 I wondered where my life was going. The school I was interested in was $30,000 a year and I felt it hopeless to think about pursuing that. I didn’t ask anyone how to apply or find out about financial aid. I just figured it was hopeless and gave up my dream. My father had made quite an impression with the leasing consultant who he had rented our apartment from as well as the whole staff in the offices. They loved him as he had a wonderful friendly, genuine personality. So after he passed I had always had a relationship with the leasing ladies. When I turned 18 and was able to work they quickly offered me a part time job until school was out over the summer as a Leasing Consultant for the property. I took the job excited to work with these great ladies and start making better money. I enjoyed my job and the people I worked with. My friendly personality did me well and I did a great job in my new position. After graduation I became a full time Consultant with the Property Management company.
I became friends with Diane in 1988 and she quickly became my BFF. We spend all our free time together hanging out. Her family was a close family and i spent a lot of time at her house always feeling like one of her family. I went to all the family events. I loved this new feeling. My family was never really close now that I look back on my life. so this was a new feeling and i liked being there. She was by far the only other friend I had besides my friend Amy whom I had left back in Massachusetts back in 1983. We got along so well and we had a great times together. She truly was a confidant and I felt really happy in the life that I was forming for myself. Life was underway for me!
In September of 1990 I met my Ex. He lived across the street and a chance meeting with his best friend one day gave me and Diane an invite to his house for a party and although I had never even met him before Diane and I went that night. Little did I know that night was the night that would forever change me. Meeting the person who would become my lover, friend, husband and father of my children. As well as the very person who was the reason my life almost ended twice…..
Until my next post…..